Being laid off is a shock. Emotionally it’s a roller coaster. It shakes your identity, reshuffles your values, breaks your habits.
Before the transition starts, there is a rough phase to go through. Here are some common dynamics at play when losing a jobs and tips to step into your new reality in a more positive and effective way.
The Process
Usually, layoffs are ‘scripted’, meaning the people dealing with the workers impacted receive talking points, which makes the process quite insensitive. The arguments presented aim at helping the people in charge of the procedures, bringing coherence across the organization and being persuasive, not specifically accurate or applicable to everyone. Questions such as ‘Why me?’, ‘What I have done wrong?’ ‘What can I do to change the situation’? will simply not be answered. Moreover, the dissonance between the narrative and your perspective may exacerbate the emotional reactions that are part of the grieving process. Layoffs being in the making for a certain time before the announcement, there is no reverse gear and therefore no point to fight against the current.
The Workplace
Restructurings affect the entire work environment and makes it an uncomfortable place for those staying as much as those leaving. Encouragements ring hollow, but being ignored doesn’t feel better. The more the workplace was collaborative and felt ‘like family’, the greater the feeling of abandonment and the more prone the workplace is to the ‘survivor's guilt’ syndrome. There is no good time to cut ties. When you can leave immediately you will abruptly have to cope with a big void. When you leave gradually, you will need to put on a mask to deal with your inner turmoil while showing composure and professionalism.
Your Instincts
The passage through the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) is difficult to avoid as it is a natural response to loss. Once you reach acceptance you can start taking charge of the transition effectively. Before that stage, you are more in ‘crisis management’, reacting to triggers without being able to fully access your cognitive abilities. Remember that the greater the shock, the more your brain will switch into fight-or-flight mode and you will act on your instincts … which aim at safeguarding your integrity, not necessarily playing in your favour. Being cognizant of this process will help you keep good relationships and avoid making bad decisions.
Your Emotions
Shame, betrayal, anxiety, sorrow are commonly felt in these circumstances. You may be tempted to find someone to blame to release tensions, or you may direct the anger towards yourself. Suppressing these emotions can lead to psychological states more complicated to recover from. It is OK to be upset, anxious and cry. It is even better if you can express your emotions with kind-hearted people who are ready to let you vent without judging. Once the storm has passed, continue to take care of your well-being by staying engaged in grounding activities and social interactions.
Your Identity
Questioning your identity may pop up in the process. If you were lead to believe that your job defines who you are, your place in society and your worth, the layoff will hit harder. Problem is your feelings and thoughts don’t come with a label, and you may not even be aware that you are in this scenario. These thought patterns are shaped through upbringing, education, modeling and memes, therefore not easy to disentangle. Try to clarify the story you tell about yourself, be observant of how you introduce yourself to others and how you form your opinions about others. Reframe your limiting beliefs and seek new references that will support and reinforce your new perspectives.
Retrospective
Looking back at the good times and achievements is a good way to find closure and move forward with your transition. Listing all your achievements and the things you are proud of will help you in the moment as you are reaching acceptance, and in the future when you will have to develop your marketing tools. Be specific about projects and activities, what were your successful outcomes, approaches and attitudes? Also think about what you could have done differently, to do an even better job or be a better person. Through this exercise you will create a positive narrative about yourself and your work that will take you faster out of the emotional storm.
The Transition
Rushing into a job search can be harsh if you stayed in the same type of work, at the same company, for many years. A softer approach is to take the time to brush up your knowledge of yourself and of what is happening in the world of work, within and outside your sector and industry. Understanding current trends and having clarity on your motivations, talents and skills will bring you self-confidence and open more opportunities.
Jobs have meanings beyond the financial aspects. Managing the emotional crisis following a job loss is a critical step before being able to make sense of the new realities and be open to new possibilities.